Simple Ways to Help Your Child Build Their Self-Esteem

As parents and caregivers, we all want our children to grow up feeling confident, capable, and secure. But in a world filled with comparison, performance pressure, and ever-evolving challenges, it’s not always easy for children to feel good about who they are.

The good news? There are everyday strategies—rooted in psychology and supported by research—that can help strengthen your child’s self-esteem in ways that truly last.

At Elite Therapeutic Services, we work with children and families across New York through compassionate, evidence-based therapy. Whether you're based in Stony Brook, Suffolk County, Nassau County, or accessing care through telehealth, our child therapists are here to help your family thrive.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to a child’s overall sense of worth or value. It influences:

• How they view themselves
• How they relate to others
• How they navigate setbacks, learning, and risk-taking

Children with healthy self-esteem are more likely to:

• Try new things
• Stand up for themselves
• Recover more easily from mistakes
• Form healthy friendships
• Set and pursue meaningful goals

Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can lead to self-doubt, social withdrawal, anxiety, and academic avoidance.

Simple, Therapist-Approved Ways to Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

1. Celebrate Effort—Not Just Results

Praise your child for trying, improving, and staying committed—not just for “winning” or being the best.

Try saying:
“I’m proud of how hard you worked on this,” instead of “You’re so smart.”

This helps build growth mindset, which leads to confidence through persistence.

2. Give Them Age-Appropriate Choices

Allowing kids to make small decisions helps them feel capable and trusted.

Examples:

• “Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue one?”
• “Do you want to do homework before or after snack?”

This fosters autonomy and builds internal confidence.

3. Model Self-Compassion

Children absorb how we treat ourselves. If you’re constantly critical of your own mistakes or appearance, they learn to do the same.

Say aloud:
“I made a mistake, but that’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes. I can try again.”

4. Create a Safe Space for Feelings

Let your child know it’s okay to feel sad, mad, frustrated, or anxious. Validating emotions—without immediately trying to fix them—teaches emotional intelligence and inner trust.

Instead of:
“Stop crying, it’s not a big deal,”

Try:
“I can see this really upset you. Do you want to talk about it?”

5. Encourage Problem-Solving Skills

When your child hits a challenge, resist the urge to solve it for them immediately.

Instead, guide them with questions like:

• “What do you think we should do?”
• “What are some options we can try?”

When they come up with solutions, it reinforces the belief: “I can handle hard things.”

6. Help Them Discover Their Strengths

Support their interests—whether that’s art, coding, soccer, animals, or baking. Being good at something (and enjoying it) gives children a strong sense of identity and pride.

Try using a “strength jar” at home. Each week, drop in a note with a skill or trait you noticed in them:

• “You were really brave at the dentist.”
• “You were so kind to your brother today.”

7. Limit Social Comparison

If your child is exposed to social media or competitive environments, gently redirect their focus toward self-improvement, not comparison.

Say:
“It’s not about being the best—it's about doing your best.”

When Low Self-Esteem Might Need Extra Support

If your child:

• Avoids challenges or social situations
• Constantly puts themselves down
• Seems overly anxious or perfectionistic
• Is showing signs of depression or withdrawal

…they may benefit from speaking with a licensed child therapist.

At Elite Therapeutic Services, our team of clinicians offers child therapy and adolescent counseling across New York, specializing in:

• Self-esteem and confidence building
• Social anxiety
• Emotional regulation
• School-related stress
• Parent-child relationship support

We use approaches such as CBT, play therapy, and mindfulness-based techniques to help your child develop resilience from the inside out.

Located in Stony Brook, Serving Families Across New York

Whether you’re searching for a therapist near me in Suffolk County, or prefer the convenience of telehealth therapy, we’ll match your child with a licensed, experienced professional who understands their unique needs.

We proudly accept a wide range of insurances including Aetna, Cigna, Emblem, Empire Blue Cross Blue Shield, Fidelis, United Healthcare, and many others.

Final Thought

Self-esteem isn’t something a child is born with—it’s something they build, brick by brick, through small daily experiences and relationships that affirm their worth.

With your support—and, when needed, the help of a compassionate therapist—your child can grow into a confident, emotionally secure version of themselves.

Ready to Support Your Child’s Confidence Journey?

Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one of our licensed child therapists in Stony Brook, NY, or meet with us virtually from anywhere in New York State.